Saving
the world and searching for lions
Monday 24 April, 2000
I'm going to let you in on a secret. Well, I'm sure a lot of you already know it, but even if you do, it's still kept a secret. And it shouldn't be, as it's a secret about how to save the world.
This is one you can blame fair and square on the patriarchy. Men have had the power for centuries and they've repressed this secret. Or, more likely, they haven't known the secret. They've been too busy doing whatever it is men have done over the centuries. I'll tell you what they haven't been doing though — raising children.
Because, and this is the secret, you could solve practically all of the world's major problems, by putting someone in charge who's just spent time caring for more than one toddler. Diplomacy, threats, promise keeping, even-handedness, sharing, gratification both instant and delayed; working for the United Nations or being Prime Minister ain't got nothing on keeping the peace between two toddlers!
We had Alex stay last night. He's Matthew's cousin, but a year older. We did pretty well, Deb and I. I think we'd be candidates for a Junior Minister in the government. I'd put someone like Karen, Matthew's caregiver, in charge of the world. She regularly keeps order between 6-8 kids, ranging in age from just under 2 to 9. I'm completely serious though. If you can keep order between toddlers, you sure as hell can between countries. You're a lot better qualified than some politician!
It's pretty funny watching them together. One will invariably want what the other is playing with. The trick is to convince the other that they want what the one is playing with, so they can swap. Then the whole thing starts again! They'll share some things, but not others. Yellow concrete mixer, fine; green car, no way! And if you start playing with one, you'd better make sure it's something the other can play too. War can break out otherwise.
They were both trying to count how many cards there were in a pile. As Deb said, "the blind leading the blind."
Matthew: "one, two, three, four, six!"
Alex: "one, two, three, four, four, four, four!"
Matthew: "eight, nine"
Alex: "four, fivesixseventen!"
Alex woke Matthew up this morning by peeking his head round into Matthew's room and going, "Boo!" Matthew woke us up by squealing with delight at this. But, really, it didn't matter, as I'd been practising waking up all night after sleeping with Deb on the foldout couch in the living room. Between Alex coming out wanting to go to the toilet, the cats scratching and grooming, and *ahem* me waking up at 2am and just having to finish the last Harry Potter book, Matthew waking us up was really just a way of putting my attempt to sleep well out of its misery.
Yesterday afternoon I took them both for a walk in the Botanic gardens while Deb stayed home and did some study. We went searching for lions.
Alex: "I think there's a lion just through the bushes there Uncle Mike."
Uncle Mike: "Hey, I think you're right, I saw something."
Matthew: "Waaaahhhhhh" *runs and holds my leg, scared."
Uncle Mike: "Matty, don't be scared, if we see a lion, we know just what to do, we'll all roar at it, like this — ROAARRR"
Matthew, Uncle Mike, Alex: "ROAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!"
We never actually found a lion. But, and I swear this is true, on at least four occasions we nearly saw one, and on at least two on those we nearly heard something rustling in the bushes. Just to be safe though, we practised "ROAAARING" all the way around the gardens.
The world can be a scary place folks. We need more Mothers and caregivers running it!