Light
at the end of the tunnel
9 February, 2000
For the first time in over a week I'm not faced with the prospect of staying up till midnight, 1am, 2am working. For the first time in over a week I haven't spent the evening in front of the computer figuring out how to do something.
For the first time in over a week I'm able to think about writing here.
The job has been hard, and fun, and tiring. I've been going to bed and just falling into a deep sleep immediately, often to wake a few hours later to do some work before Debbie and Matthew wake. Yes, yes, I know, welcome to the real world and all that, but it's been a while since I've put this much effort into something.
One thing, it's been a big learning experience. Never, never, come up with a really cool design, show it to a client, and say that's what we want to do, without actually being sure you know how to do it. It's not enough to know it can be done, somehow, and how hard could it be to find out anyway? No. You actually need to know before promising. It's an interesting experience to realise at 10pm on the night before a 9am meeting to show latest progress that what you thought would be easy, isn't!
Still, they seem happy with it, and I feel good about it. I really feel like Deb and I can make this work. You should see us work together. We are very good. We complement each other so well.
*aside in a quiet voice* “Deb's not very good at taking criticism, however much I am right about things, but that's a small fault in the scheme of things” *grin*
This journal's felt like something I've tucked away in the back of my mind for the past 10 days. I've just been too tired to do any more that peek and realise it's still there, waiting for me. It does have a different feel than my last journal. I think a lot of that is triggered by the white space of the layout. It feels less mediated than "my life", if that makes any sense.
Tonight on tv (yes, I got to watch TV) they had the start of this documentary series called something like, “The War in Colour". It was about the 2nd World War, but in was entirely made up of colour film footage of the war, and live during that time. Home movies, official film, propaganda footage, war footage. Mainly with voice-overs of people's diaries — soldiers, children, women, boys, generals.
It was fascinating to watch, almost disconcerting. I guess we're so used to seeing black and white film footage from the war. And that black and white "aesthetic" seems to distance the war and place it firmly in the past. Firmly in a past that was coloured black and white. To see the same events, the same time, in colour was jarring, unexpected. It made the events at once more real, but also more banal. They took place while the sun was shining. When the sky was blue. It seemed more shocking for that.
As I watched, I kept thinking how much I loved Debbie. And Matthew. And what it would take me to go to war. And how hard that choice must be. And how many people died purely by chance. And how their families must have coped with that.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
It's been good to write again. I should always make the time for myself.