Swimming
5 January, 2000
We went swimming today, Matthew and I, down at the pool with the smell of chlorine and the shrieks of children. He started off just tiptoeing into the shallow toddlers' pool, about 8" deep. Then he'd step out and walk away, then turn and grin back at me, and sidle back to the edge, stepping once more into the water. I moved further and further away, so gradually he came further and further into the pool.
Later I sat him on the edge of the pool, hands lightly around his waist, and went, "humpty-dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great faaaaaaaaalllllll", and picked him up and dunked him under the water. He'd come up spluttering and laughing, "more-ah, more-ah", he'd say, and we'd do it all over again.
Still later he'd clamber up out of the water, step back a few paces, and come running up the edge and over into the water, where I'd lift him high and splash him down under.
It was wonderful watching him grow in confidence and enjoyment and just sheer delight. I can recall it all still, just by putting my hands over my mouth and nose and breathing in that clean chlorine smell.
I told Debbie about it all as we sat down eating dinner. She had tears and a little sob in her voice. "I'm missing so much of him growing aren't I? I think I don't spend enough time with him"
What could I say? You can probably never spend enough time with your kids, until they turn into teenagers! But I'm so aware of how lucky I am to have the opportunity to spend time with Matthew during the week, and how much that's because Debbie lets me have that opportunity.
I know she misses him during the day. And he does her too. When she gets home at the end of the day, and knocks on the door, he'll start at the noise, then beam his smile, "mama, mama", he'll say, and rush off through the kitchen to the front door, banging his little palms on the glass until I catch up with him and open it.
Of course once the door's open, Deb will step in, and Matthew will scoot around her and start down the steps into the great outdoors. But it's the initial thought that counts!
I gave them both bodyslams on the bed tonight. All three of us giggling and laughing.
It was Deb's first day back at work in the new year. I've updated my business site and sent my CV to some agencies and design firms.
I want this to be a wonderful year.