Love
letters
21 March, 2000
I swear I'm not making this up. I usually get 2 or 3 spam e-mails a day — KinkyKara wanting me to subscribe, a chance to invest in some fantastic moneymaking scheme, once someone trying to sell me real estate in the USA — I'm sure you've got them too.
But today was different. The subject of the e-mail was "for you ..." Here it is verbatim:
My Love!
I am writing to you this letter and imagine your eyes. Clever and kind eyes, in which you can look like in the warm spring sky. Well, and when these eyes are smiling upon, it becomes shiny around - your smile simply cannot be compared with anything else!
We have never met before. But why do I have such a feeling that I miss you greatly? I had to write to you. You are clever and beautiful and you deserved to be loved very much.
I would like to write to you nice romantic letters once a week. It costs only $60 per year.
If you are interested in my proposal, please send your order to my e-mail as follows: letmaster@yahoo.com In your order, please, write your name and e-mail . I will send you banking accounts to effect payment.
Your Lemas
P.S. Look around and you will see happy people. I think, they are happy, because - you are near them. Come up to the mirror and smile. And now tell me - is it possible not to love the woman like you?
I was all set to send the e-mail off. I was ready to pay the $60. This e-mail came at just the right time. I wanted to love this guy Lemas!
Until I got to the last sentence.
How can you respect someone who doesn't know what gender you are? I didn't mind his less than wonderful grasp of english. I didn't mind his trite similes. Hell, I didn't even mind his patent greed. But to not take the time to realise I'm a man? That hurt.
So, I'm left wondering what to do with Lemas. Part of me wants to let him know how stupid he is. Part of me wants to write him love letters. Part of me wants to post his stupid-ass letter and e-mail address publicly on the internet so anyone can see.
Opps, looks like I just did that …