Singing
in my head
Thursday 25 May, 2000
A good drink to have after basketball practice is:
milk, vanilla ice cream, banana, 1 raw egg, vanilla essence — all mixed together in the blender. Enough for about three big glasses.
I'm drinking it now, just unwinding after my shower. Usually I'd be watching the Sopranos, but Deb forgot to tape it for me tonight. I've had a cold all week, but I'm hoping I may have sweated the last of it out tonight.
I was thinking all today that I really didn't want to go to basketball practice, that I didn't really even care if I went or not. I was wondering if I'd reached the moment where I didn't have the need and desire to play anymore, and I could just leave my boot in the cupboard and walk away. But I went. And from the first bounce of the ball on the wooden court, when it felt so good with my hand caressing it up and down in the dribble, I knew that I still wanted to be there. To be playing. I think it's good I'm still feeling that.
A few weeks ago I bought another Belle and Sebastian CD and one by Lucinda Williams. There're all I've been listening too since then. Over and over. Maybe it's just that I went for the longest time without buying any music, and it's just so neat to have new stuff to play. But it's also that they are wonderful, wonderful CDs. I've got their songs going round in my head all day. Isn't it weird how, when you sing inside your head, it's pitch perfect, and all the instruments are there, and you hit the notes just right. Yet when you try singing out loud, there's this atonal, flat, scratchy sound that emerges, nothing at all like you know you can sing! I do all my singing in my head!
I'm feeling really good about life right now …