The history books won't record the amount of rain that's fallen at the Gabba, rain that's lessened the amount of cricket possible to play. They'll only record that plucky New Zealand has snapped Australia's 12 match winning streak at home with a draw, keeping a series win for the Kiwi's very much a possibility.
My fingers are crossed for one more day though!
There's been a theme running through the three-plus years I've been writing an online journal. It's come and gone a little — there's been times I've felt it less pervasively, and times where it's near overwhelmed me. I've described it as like a grayness, or a cloud that envelopes me, making things hazy, less bright, less vibrant. I know now that it's been depression. I know now that I've exacerbated it through the things I've done.
I've never liked it. The grayness. For all the times where I haven't fought it, for all the times where I've seemingly sought it out even, I've never wanted it in my life. I just haven't known, really, how to break out of it. Or if I've known, I haven't known how to act on that knowledge.
These past few weeks though, especially this past week or so, I've felt like I'm seeing the vibrancy of life again. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I'm seeing things without that haze, like I'm seeing the full colour and richness of things, rather than a muted palette. And it's just wonderful! I'm smiling so much more. I'm happier. I'm actually looking forward to days ahead, to weeks ahead, to years ahead. I know that where I am is still in a recovery phase. I know that I'm still tempted some times (although that is so much less). I know that I have a lot of work still to do. But god, just feeling like I've broken through something, and knowing that I've got choices instead of that horrible place I was at, is such a wonderful feeling.
Over the past few months we've had plans drawn up for an extension to our house. About a month ago we went out to tender on them. We got three quotes for the alteration work back last week. Now, it's one thing knowing how much the Quantity Surveyor estimated the work would cost. It's another thing getting approval from your bank to borrow a whole of money. It's yet another thing to realise there might be a gap between that money and how much the final alterations might cost. But you still go ahead, because until you actually get the final quotes, you don't really know how much it will cost. Now, even when you get the quotes, it's one things to look at the prices. It's another thing to think that, maybe, somehow, we might possibly be able to afford that. But it's a whole different thing to sit down, work out how much you would have to borrow, work out how much interest you would have to pay on that borrowing, work out how much you would have to earn to cover those payments and your normal living expenses, and work out how much money you're likely to earn. When one of you is soon to take unpaid parental leave for a year. Suffice to say, that as much as we want to, we won't be going ahead with the alterations in the near future.
We are going to do some stuff though. Put in some French doors from the living room. Do some landscaping in the back section. Paint the outside of the house. They should all be fun things to do over the summer. With a very pregnant wife suffering in the heat. And a 3 year old son wanting to help all the time. Oh yeah, fun things! :)
We're even thinking of a trip to the States next year. I'd love to take 2-3 months and do a bit of a road trip around the country before going up to Maine to see Deb's family. I think it's doable. Matthew would be old enough to enjoy things. The new baby would be young enough to sleep! And we'd be entirely ready for a holiday!
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Eugene, the marvelous crooning child
Yes, it's flash, but it's funny! Let the page download fully.
Journals and blogs that I read regularly
Raising Hell
Feral Living
Hippycritical
Udder
My Life in 12 Point Font
Journal of a Writing Man
Some Jingle Jangle Morning
The Last Girl Scout
Potatoe.com
Journallife.com
Window to my Soul
Chickybabe
Sorabji.com
Yesterday's Makeup
Fifteen Milliliters
Fly Away
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Photo of tunnel copyright Bernd Klumpp, available from istockphoto.com