Riding
out the squalls
12 February, 2000
Today was a rollercoaster. An emotional rollercoaster.
Days like this just seem to come out of nowhere for Deb and me. They blow up like a sudden squall at sea, vicious and cold, and then suddenly it's all gone, and you're left wondering about how it all happened.
I retreat into myself, keeping silent and still, staring at nothing, wanting to be alone. Deb wants to talk. She accuses and yells, trying to draw a response from me. It's not a pretty scene. Both of us acting like children.
I walked out today in the middle of it. Went for a walk along a path overlooking the ocean just up from our house. I sat on a bench as the wind buffeted me, watching the harbour below. Deb brought Matthew up the path later, up the path to me. I sat there and largely ignored them. After ten minutes they went back down again while I sat there, the wind blowing against me.
As I watched them get to the bottom of the path I felt the wind blow the anger out of me, and I walked down again. I caught them up as they reached the house, and put my arm around Debbie for the last few steps.
Not many words were spoken, but we both knew the squall had passed.
And the rest of the day has been wonderful. We took Matty around to see my Mum, and then went down to visit my Dad at work on his ship. They were in port for an hour as the ship unloaded and reloaded. Matty got to sit in the Captain's seat, and wander around the bridge. He got to ride down the gangway on a little electric cart. He didn't get to wear the Captain's hat, but maybe next time!
We bought hamburgers for dinner and I wrestled with Matty in the sun on the living room floor.
You always think that you're the only couple that goes through days like this.
Probably we're just the same as everyone else. Trying to ride out the squalls.