In the nature of a pep talk to myself
Monday 3 July 2000

I'm smiling and feeling good. Suddenly this afternoon I felt like I was going to pull out of having a fully fledged case of flu. Up till then I'd been hovering on the edge. It's a wonderful feeling when you start to feel better.

Another reason I'm feeling good is that I met with my business mentor this afternoon. We basically just talked for about two hours. There was nothing astoundingly new that I learnt, but it confirmed a couple of things I had been thinking. Most of all it was just good to talk to someone new and sympathetic about the business. The two key things to come out of the meeting for me were to set some goals for myself — both long and short term — and have an idea of how to achieve them, and to really try and define my target market and how I can reach it.

I didn't say it to him, but I'm thinking it now — the biggest thing holding me back is me. I think, deep down, it comes back to a belief I've always had that you don't go out and sell yourself, although I usually phrase it that you don't boast about yourself. I've got this notion that you just do the best you can, and if it's good enough it'll get noticed. And if it's not, well, you're probably not quite good enough. But boasting about yourself is just not right. I can pinpoint a specific person for this belief. He was at Onslow College with me. He was a runner, a good runner. He had a lot of self-belief and mental strength, but he was very self-effacing, always deflecting praise away from himself. And for some reason that has stuck with me as something admirable to do. Maybe it is, but maybe it can be taken to far. Maybe it can become a bit paralysing.

Another angle to the selling yourself thing, is that if you do try and sell yourself (your business) to someone, and they don't want it, then, of course, it's a personal thing. You're not good enough as a person. That's the reason they don't want your services. That's a big reason why I'm so reluctant to cold-call people to drum up business. I'll get really depressed when they all say no to me.

But, you know, I'm kinda tired of holding myself back. There is no reason I can't make a success of this. I'm good at what I do. I know what I have to do to be successful. And I know that having my own business is not a time to be self-effacing.

Intellectually I know all of this. What I have to do is make the leap from knowing what to do to doing it. From thinking about it to acting it. I need to change some of my habits and some of my thought patterns. I need to take this seriously as well as enjoying the hell out of it.

I need to take small steps and I need to take big steps. And I need to keep taking them and taking them.

Small steps and big steps …

< previous — next >