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A
big part of me is feeling relaxed. It's the holidays, I'm sleeping
in late, have just read a great book, spending lots of time with
Deb and Matty not doing much, have had nieces and nephews visiting,
there's been a cricket test on, I got lots of good presents at
Christmas …
This
is all good, and the feeling of relaxation is a nice one.
But
part of me is already starting to hunker down for the year ahead.
I'm thinking about babies, and work, and money, and love, and
house renovations, and careers, and dreams, and training, and
basketball, and tramping, and fitness,
and lifestyle. And, you know, the normal things like “What's
for dinner?”, “How can I get Debbie to read Matthew
a book instead of me?”, and “Why have I only shit once
in nearly 4 days?” The last is more of a rumination than
a health enquiry. As Deb has come to learn over the years, taking
a good book and disappearing with the words, “I may be some
time … ” is one of life's little pleasures for me.
I
guess it's the end of year thing to a large extent. You look back
and forward at the same time. You feel vaguely unsettled with
what you've done and want to do so many more things in the coming
year.
I'm
not where I want to be, but I'm making progress.
I'm
not who I want to be, but I'm edging closer.
I
am with who I want to be with, and that's like having an ace up
your sleeve.
I
have a son whom I can't imagine life without, and that's like
a fountain of spring water. It may occasionally make a puddle
around your feet but you always enjoy drinking from it.
I
want to keep pushing on with this life of mine, but I also want
to take more of a role in creating the path and not just following
it.
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